I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
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