Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
