They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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