So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
My life is pants optional.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
