why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Naked Twister starts at high noon
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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