WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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