I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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