I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
