I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
