for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
