does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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