Im at strip club and am horny
Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Randomize
