Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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