sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Randomize
