Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
