I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
