Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
