break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I need moral support for this bender
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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