that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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