honey bunches of taint.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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