Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
