wakey wakey hands off snakey
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
