You made me cry and you don't even care
My nipple is on Facebook.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Randomize
