Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
