Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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