he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
