Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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