I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
