My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
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