Me. At least after what I've been through.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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