SEEEEXXX PLEASE
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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