the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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