he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
sarcasm needs its own font
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Randomize
