Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
