i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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