trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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