Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
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