There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
