the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
