i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
PS: I just woke up from my shower
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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