i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
