You kept calling me your small dog last night.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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