I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
