I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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