Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
