So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
