Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Just invented taco cereal.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
