I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
