I haven't been this sober since birth.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
It's just like the Real World with babies
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
