even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
