Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
